(A short entry from the journal - for the last week, I’ve been helping a relative who is going through serious pain with a sciatica flare-up… And like so many people who faced similar situations I have felt useless in the face of it)
It’s the feeling of complete powerlessness - the TOTAL inability to be of any help with the central Fact of The Pain. All you can do is provide help AROUND the pain - by making tea, tidying up, putting on some music, going to the shops. All of this while the agony goes on at the centre of everything. And after a while you can’t help wondering if it appears that you’re just… getting on with your own life, standing there drinking the tea, while your loved ones gasps and struggles to hold on to their sanity. No matter how often you’re told how great it is that you’re there, and how helpful you’re being, it still feels sometimes like you’re a spectator, a tourist - over on a sightseeing trip from the Land of The Painless.